Hopecasting by Oestreicher Mark;McKnight Scot;

Author:Oestreicher, Mark;McKnight, Scot; [Oestreicher, Mark]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780830897582
Publisher: InterVarsity Press
Published: 2015-02-04T00:00:00+00:00

Figure 6.1

Back to My Desert

When I arrived at my self-imposed mini-exile in the desert after losing my job (and feeling that I had lost so much more than employment—that I’d lost my future), I was completely overcome with fear. The other emotions I wrote about (anger, hurt, sadness) were all secondary to the incapacitating barrage of fear.

By the time I arrived in the desert, my fears wouldn’t be chained in the basement of my soul and psyche. They’d broken free, and wanted to destroy me.

But I named my fears. Pages and pages of naming, actually. I stared them in the face and looked into their evil yellow eyes. And something unexpected happened: they cowered, just a bit. Instead of me being exposed, they were suddenly exposed.

That was roughly five years ago. And—this is going to sound strange, so stick with me—I now think of those fears almost like friends, albeit dysfunctional friends that can seriously jack with my life.

Listen: my fears have not gone away. They seem almost like a cross to carry. They’re part of me, like a pet that could scratch my eyes out but mostly lies innocuously in the corner. Naming them starts to defang them and begins the process of disempowering them.

And by being aware of my fears, I’m able to consciously and consistently hold them up in the palms of my hands, as a prayer to Jesus, the one who longs to bring me Hope. I’m not completely sure why Jesus doesn’t totally remove them from me (probably something about keeping me humble, or living into a life of faith); but I’m okay with that.

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